Screaming with Laughter

Fear can be a great motivator. An emotion that many leaders tap into, often unwittingly, because the feeling of fear is the response to their behaviour and we cannot control the emotions of others however much we might want to. Frightening a person is not often the intention of someone in a position of authority, but if the responder has previous negative experiences of parents, teachers, or even previous bosses - certain behaviours can trigger fear and anxiety.

Most of us go through life doing our best and behave in accordance with our own values and life experiences and we can be genuinely unaware that things we do and say can bring about concern or even fear in others. However, emotions run deep, and intellect is kidnapped by negative emotions built on lived experience. There can also be a positive experience that some thrill seekers get from fear. I’m sure parachute jumpers are not ambivalent to the adrenalin rush that they experience. Similarly watching a horror film can have viewers hiding behind cushions, screaming or running from the room with their hearts pounding.

Halloween is a huge commercial holiday that thrives on a scare factor that even children love and the whole event is seen as fun. Being scared provokes a response in us that is a reaction to an unwanted surprise - something that evokes fear and a desire to flee a situation.

So where does laughter come in? We find things funny that flip our expectation of how a scene will play out. It is often the unexpected deviation from the norm that makes us laugh. But the same scene evokes very different feelings dependant on our own positive or negative evaluation. Think about your feelings if you consider someone tripping over. Imagine they are a friend, and they are uninjured - that’s funny, right? Now imagine the same fall but involving an elderly stranger, the fall leaving them seriously and visibly hurt and distressed. This leaves us feeling very different. We laugh when things surprise us, but only if we know it’s safe.

At Laughter Lab we often get asked why do people laugh at the wrong time, for instance when we receive bad news or confront a shocking situation. Maybe our emotional regulation system becomes a bit cross-wired in these circumstances. It kicks in a behaviour that is incongruent to our true feelings - we are sad, we are scared and yet we are laughing? What’s that all about? 

Halloween is a big deal in the US and a couple of times I have visited scare houses when visiting my friends in Michigan. These are often buildings that have been taken over by students, who create amazingly terrifying haunted house experiences for people who want to be scared for fun. I was once scared stupid when chased by a man dressed in black, wearing a mask running after me with a roaring chainsaw (no chain!). After the initial screaming and running from a teenager who I knew was no threat, I found myself laughing hysterically through relief and exhilaration. Whether our bodies do it to protect us, or whether it is an indication of relief - laughter is an experience and a behaviour that makes us feel safe. It brings us back to an emotional equilibrium.

If we raise our awareness of laughter in others, we might start to understand the social cues that this laughter is demonstrating. Is it telling us that someone is bonding with us, or is it anxiety or concern that is at play? If you hold a senior position in an organisation, check that the seemingly ‘great’ relationships you have with your team members is built on trust and reciprocity and not fear. Similarly, as a parent, be sure your children’s laughter is in response to positive behaviour and love and endorse their own development by using laughter as an indicator of support.

Laughter is complex as is our own relationship with it, which can be confusing. It is not always experienced when responding to a joke - or finding a situation ‘funny’. Most laughter is a behaviour that connects us, often when humour is absent. So, don’t lose the laughter, just keep a check on it in situations when it might be telling you something you weren’t expecting. 

Happy Halloween.

Jane and Anna