Love and Laughter

If, for some reason you remember trawling the old dating adds in papers or are currently swiping left and right on dating apps, you may be familiar with the acronym GSOH. Yep, we are looking for partners who we can laugh with. But when we talk about a GSOH, what is it that we are actually looking for? Are we looking for someone who can make us laugh? Someone who doesn’t take life too seriously?  Or even someone who thinks that we are hilarious? 

Laughing is a great connector and we often think that laughter is exclusively aligned to humour. When Anna and I run laughter workshops, we often ask participants when they most laugh. Almost always, the replies refer to experiences of humour and amusement. The truth is we laugh more with those we are closest to, and they don’t have to be funny to generate that laughter. It’s unsurprising then that we look for the opportunity to connect through shared laughter when we are searching for a date, or even a life partner, and we look for it by asking for a ‘good sense of humour’ up front when actually the laughter is more likely to come after that strong connection has been built.  

As well as looking for someone who we can laugh with, understanding how often we laugh with someone can be a success predictor of existing romantic relationships.  Studies on married couples showed a strong correlation between the amount of shared laughter and the longevity of the partnership.  Association with shared laughter is evident in all loving relationships. Babies start to smile as early as the second day and when a little older will respond more readily and positively to expressions of positive emotions such as laughter than more neutral interactions.  With my own children, I find my daughter very funny and we use humour a lot, but I laugh as long and hard with my son as we are equally close – we just laugh at different things and in a different way as we have our own unique relationship. 

Laughter creates positive memories aligned to those we share it with. If we laugh with people, we are building connections that can last a lifetime. 

If I consider my own relationship with laughter, I look for it in others because for me it is an important ice-breaker with new people and I often use self-deprecating humour to get a new relationship off the ground. I know this, because after years of study in positive psychology I have learnt that about myself. But this is not the same as experiencing laughter in an established relationship. Very many of my romantic relationships and friendships were with people I felt neutral to in the beginning, and the laughter came as our bond grew.  Laughter will come to you when you are close to someone, without the need for humour, so it doesn’t have to be a pre-requisite if you are looking for love. But it can also be a great way to kick off new relationships and start the trust cycle. It allows us to demonstrate openness and vulnerability in a safe way and use it as our pre-language ancestors did; to demonstrate a willingness to play. 

We cannot all be funny (although I am) but we can all laugh and find shared laughter with each other.  

Spend some time thinking about those you love and how laughter is used to cement the bond and share a good laugh with them today. 

Jane