Jolly Gender Differences
Like it or not, by and large, the sexes are different. This could be down to a variety of factors such as adherence to social norms, cultures or genetic pre-dispositions. But I am not here to argue the for and against of research that tries to unpack the complexities of gender differences. If you are after that, I’m sure there will be plenty of articles on that topic available today. Whatever the story behind the behaviours, just as often a man and a women can be very similar but are nonetheless treated differently, and that treatment becomes the differentiating factor. Some of these gender-related nuances can work in your favour and sometimes conspire against us. But surely laughter is something that cuts across gender biases – a behaviour that is experienced by all equally? Well, not quite.
Laughter is invariably a healthy experience; good for our emotional, psychological and biological wellbeing. It is also an external behaviour that sends positive signals to other people and increases connectivity. When we laugh, we are inviting connection and association. We build trust and display vulnerability, something which is critical to creativity and innovation. So, laughter is great to experience if you want to build long-lasting and deep-rooted relationships. Instinctively, we might feel that women are “good at this sort of stuff”; they talk a lot and share how they feel. The science also backs this up, women actually laugh more than men. As the majority of laughter is experienced through everyday conversation, and not through shared humour, it supports this idea that women are better at connecting. When women are connecting with other women, you multiply the efficacy of laughter power.
We know that women look for a good sense of humour when looking for romantic relationships and this could be something to do with the fact that humour is associated with intelligence. We may be pre-disposed to find qualities in a potential mate that will serve as an evolutionary benefit, i.e., intelligence will help us survive. However, women can also experience an unhelpful habit when it comes to displaying laughter. Laughter can also be a display of subordination, indicating that someone else is in charge and reinforce dominance in a relationship. Generally, people are less likely to laugh unless they are being open. If women are being open, and men less so – then there is an in-balance in vulnerability and an opportunity for dominant behaviour. Men laugh less at women than they do at other men; women laugh more at men and less at women. As a result, we can get skewed perspectives on who is ‘funny’ or even subconsciously support gender inequality. It also might mean that men are missing out on some deeper connections, particularly with women.
We deliver workshops talking about some of the imbalances in laughter, and we have delivered laughter yoga sessions to support groups to benefit from the power of laughter. One notable experience was delivering to a group of domestic abuse survivors, both face-to-face and online during lockdown. Their feedback, engagement and positivity was infectious. Laughter can be a great coping mechanism, which helps break every day stress cycles as well as forge stronger friendships.
The most effective way we can build gender-balanced connections is to be more liberal and open with our laughter as it’s not just about who we think is funny, but about demonstrating a vulnerability and openness that invites trust.
On International Women’s Day, try breaking the bias around laughter and start to use it more and share it wider. Everyone has equal access to this amazing resource, let’s get some gender parity.
Jane