Love and Laughter
Valentine’s Day is a reminder of the joy of romantic love. You may be intrigued to discover that a study which looked at people who had met using dating ads in newspapers looked at laughter. It was a while ago, pre-internet dating. This study followed people on their first dates, discovering that the amount of shared laughter was a good predictor of a second date. In fact, shared laughter is a good barometer of a relationship, romantic or otherwise.
Barbara Fredrickson is a prolific researcher in the field of positive emotions. Her book Love 2.0 outlines her theory on love as momentary experiences of connection with others. These connections make both the person offering the connection feel good (offering love) and the person receiving the connection feel good too. She argues that love draws people out of their cocoons of self-absorption and into investing in others. This is good for building well-being and strengthening connections.
Why is shared laughter so bonding? Laughter is universal. It is a cross-cultural expression of amusement, and we don’t need to know what someone is laughing about to want to join in. We are neuro-biologically hard-wired to laugh together as it builds co-operation and helped with our survival. Laughter is a contagious behaviour and often happens most when we are trying our hardest to suppress it.
Laughter is a powerful force, which can be used positively or negatively. It includes people, sharing an in-joke or funny experience. This sort of laughter builds and strengthens relationships. But it may also be used in a negative way to exclude others and even to make fun of people. The key with laughter is using it appropriately and respectfully.
Another snippet of information you may find fascinating is that the two most highly valued character strengths are love and humour. They are rated far above the next most valued strength of kindness. It seems that people really value and appreciate those who make them laugh. It’s not all about telling jokes though. Most humour is in day-to-day and not particularly funny situations. In fact, most laughter is produced not by listeners (at something perceived as funny), but by the people speaking. This is because laughter is often used in conversation as a reinforcer, a connector and a signal of turn taking.
How about using both love and humour this Valentine’s Day. Let’s expand our horizons and use it not just at home but out and about. It’s the micro-connections we have with others throughout the day that we can easily use to boost our mood. A smile and a greeting to people in the street might receive mixed responses but, in a shop, they can brighten up any transaction. So why not try this and see. Spreading smiles this Valentine’s Day may give you a surprising shot in the arm in using the two most popular character strengths. Have fun injecting more laughter, humour, and love into your life and the lives of others.
Anna
Fredrickson, B. (2013). Love 2.0 Creating Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection