Graduating Laughter
At the beginning of September this year Jane and I graduated together, receiving Master of Science degrees from Buckinghamshire New University, four years after we first met. We had both completed our studies in applied positive psychology in two years and our graduation ceremony had been cancelled during lockdown.
It was a sizzling hot day and neither of us had taken part in a graduation ceremony before. We turned up not knowing what to expect with family and partners in tow and more curiosity than excitement.
Don’t ask me why, but we were in the very front row, AA students? It meant we had an uninterrupted view of thew proceedings, got up on stage first, filed out into the sunshine first, but best of all meant we could easily talk to our mates in the adjacent seats. No shaking of hands, no handing over of scrolls, not even elbow contact but a polite doffing of the mortar board at the university dignitaries standing to welcome us to the stage as onlookers clapped supportively.
A word about the mortar board. It was a strange feeling wearing one. Mine seemed rather too large (my family speculated that my brain wasn’t large enough to fill it properly), and the tassle was seemingly always in my field of vision. I wondered what the significance of the mortar board is and discovered that it’s shape has been interpreted as representing the whole world, east, west, north and south. It is also viewed as a symbol of scholarship and learning.
Two things struck me most strongly during the ceremony. First the eye contact of the people receiving their degrees. The university vice-chancellor tried to make eye contact with every person crossing the stage and mouthed “well done Anna” or “congratulations Jane” as a personal welcome. My estimate was that between one third and a half of the graduates made eye contact. Robert Provine, a leading researcher on laughter made the observation that eye contact between friends facilitates laughter. I wondered if people were out of practice with human interaction, or if they were shy in an emotionally laden and unfamiliar situation. Hopefully people will regain confidence to re-engage more over time and use increasing eye contact as a tool for connectivity.
The second thing I was stuck by was that the person nominated to give the speech on behalf of the undergraduates started their talk with the most memorable times of their university experience. Number one was sharing a laugh with friends.
Laughter (and plenty of it) is what brought Jane and me together. It is a powerful bonding behaviour. Reflecting on what made us laugh provided some insights which corroborate what people have shared with us in our laugh with laughter over the past year. We laughed at first because we were nervous, to relax ourselves and hopefully others. We laughed thankfully when that happened. We laughed with joy at our new stimulating learning environment.
We laughed nervously at the prospect of ever being able to pronounce some of the unusual big names in positive psychology, let alone spell them correctly. Jane and I were lucky enough to hear the founding father Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi speaking inspirationally at a conference. We employed many tips in the book “The How of Happiness” by Sonja Lyubomirsky during our studies. Her definition of happiness is “the experience of joy, contentment or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful and worthwhile.” We had many experiences of joy, lots of stretching ourselves and moving towards more positive well-being through attendance at weekend modules with like-minded people, guided by able and committed lecturers. We laughed at our own shortcomings and we used laughter to keep going together in confronting each challenge.
Without blowing our own trumpets (and maybe it’s just a function of age) I think it’s fair to say that Jane and I are pretty good at laughing at ourselves. To me not taking ourselves too seriously is fundamental to being able to effectively and constructively use laughter to buffer us from challenges, bolster our resourcefulness and build lasting friendships.
Anna
September 2021